Saturday, November 27, 2010

The Ex-to-be: When bad mouthing backfires

Q: A friend announces she’s getting divorced, and you bad-mouth her ex-to-be–only to hear a week later that htey’re reconciling.  What to do now?

A: If the couple stays together, your comments will always hang in the air between you and your friend.  So come clean:  “I’m sorry I said those things about Tom.  I was worried for you and reacted by making him the bad guy.  I’m really happy that you two have committed to working things out.”

Next time:  Offer support without slandering the spouse:  “I’m so sorry to hear that.  Thanks for telling me, and let me know what I can do to help.”  If she wants to criticize the guy, let her go to town–just listen.


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